


haikyuu one-shots

by unpredictableArtist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Swap, Chatting & Messaging, hinata calling kageyama a curtain. same old same old
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16539629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unpredictableArtist/pseuds/unpredictableArtist
Summary: a collection of standalone haikyuu shorts.--newest: chapter 3. the folly of man“There is absolutely no way,” Kei’s voice says from somewhere behind the camera. “that I am letting you do this.”“But we know how!” Shouyou whines. The camera zooms in on his pouty face.“We practiced for hours,” Tobio adds.“Plus you’ve got the extra space on your camera,” Hitoka chimes in. “Please, Kei-chan?”“Yeah, Kei-chan,” Tobio says. The camera pans to him, and he’s smirking. “What could go wrong?”(the boys decide to have some fun)





	1. the appreciation game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **frenchiest fry:** shouyou lets play the appreciation game  
>  **mandarin:** YES  
>  **mandarin:** @milk @anxiety prime APPRECIATION GMAE APPRECIATION GAME APRECIATION G  
>  **milk:** No
> 
> (first years turned third years)

_**Kageyama Tobio** ( **@milk** ), you have 5 unread messages from **old age central**. Open?_  
>Yes **> No**

 _ **Kageyama Tobio** ( **@milk** ), you’ve been mentioned in **old age central**! Open?_  
**> Yes** >No

mandarin: | im so bored  
---|---  
ten million fireflies: | And what are we supposed to do about it  
frenchiest fry: | you two dO NOT start  
frenchiest fry: | shouyou lets play the appreciation game  
mandarin: | YES  
mandarin: |  @milk @anxiety prime APPRECIATION GMAE APPRECIATION GAME APRECIATION G  
milk: | No  
anxiety prime: | yes hello what are we doing  
anxiety prime: | oh!!! yes!!!! appreciation game!!!!!  
frenchiest fry: | tobio you dont have homework right  
milk: | No  
frenchiest fry: | no you dont have homework or no you DO have homework  
milk: | I don't have homework  
frenchiest fry: | then as your captain i insist you play  
milk: | But I was going to sleep  
milk: | I'm really tired  
milk: | Do I have to  
mandarin: | YES  
ten million fireflies: | Let me guess i also have to play??  
mandarin: | YES  
ten million fireflies: | I hate all of you  
mandarin: | EVEN ME?  
anxiety prime: | even me?  
ten million fireflies: | Yes  
anxiety prime: | D:  
ten million fireflies: | Wait  
ten million fireflies: | No  
ten million fireflies: | Fuck  
frenchiest fry: | KEI YOU HATE HITOKA????  
ten million fireflies: | NO  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | guys you know i love talking to you but im trying to study here can yall not spam the group  
mandarin: | GOSHIKI?????  
mandarin: | UR ON THE KARASUNO SERVER????  
mandarin: | U S TUDY??????????  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | im not??? this is the third year server!!  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | and im literally in class 4!! college prep!!! of course i study  
milk: | Dumbass  
anxiety prime: | shouyou it says old age central right there at the top how did you miss that  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | djfslsdjflsd  
mandarin: | STOP BULLYING ME  
milk: | Are we going to play  
mandarin: | YS LETS PLAY  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | wait whatre you playing?  
ten million fireflies: | The appreciation game  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | i meant whats the game about!!! obviuosly!!!  
frenchiest fry: | goshiki its a game where we appreciate each other  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | YAMAGUCHI THAT DOESNT HELP  
anxiety prime: | we go around in a circle and choose a letter for each person, then everyone eldse has to think of a word beginning with that letter to compliment the person with!  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: |  @anxiety prime yachi-san you are god thanks so much  
anxiety prime: | thanks xbcnvxmcvb  
anxiety prime: | do you wanna play with us?  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | ehhh i dont think so i havto study  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | ill listen though!!!!  
mandarin: | HELL YEAH  
mandarin: | anyway dibs on g  
anxiety prime: | DIBS ON FIRST  
mandarin: | *going 1st  
mandarin: | NO  
ten million fireflies: | Lmao  
mandarin: | I HIT ENTER EARLY THAT DOESNT COUNT  
anxiety prime: | correct!! your message doesnt count and im going first  
anxiety prime: | do you really wanna go first though i can wait (´▵ `;;)  
mandarin: | fjgslhjds no!!! ill go 2nd no worries  
anxiety prime: | cvnxbxnvncvm ok  
milk: | OK LETS PLAY WERE PLAYING  
milk: | START  
frenchiest fry: | stop  
anxiety prime: | uhhh c!!  
mandarin: | hmmm creative!!  
anxiety prime: | aw come on i know you can do better than that  
mandarin: | ok how abt…. considerate  
ten million fireflies: | Courageous  
frenchiest fry: | compassionate!  
milk: | Colourful  
mandarin: | wht???  
frenchiest fry: | tobio whats that mean  
milk: | I don’t know  
milk: | If people were colours Hitoka would be rainbow colours  
milk: | Like. Bright  
mandarin: | AWW TOBIO  
anxiety prime: | TOBIO THATS SO SWEET  
frenchiest fry: | BLESS YOU I LOVE SLEEPY TOBIO  
ten million fireflies: | I dont  
frenchiest fry: | YES YOU DO  
ten million fireflies: | Ok i do  
milk: | Thanks  
ten million fireflies: | Dont hurt yourself  
milk: | I hate you  
ten million fireflies: | What a coincidence me too  
mandarin: | tsukki r u okay  
ten million fireflies: | No  
ten million fireflies: | Youre next right?  
ten million fireflies: | Start  
anxiety prime: | aaand stop!!  
mandarin: | S  
anxiety prime: | sincere!!!  
ten million fireflies: | Saccharine  
mandarin: | @anxiety prime  
anxiety prime: | saccharine means really really sweet  
mandarin: | oh nice!!! thank u both  
anxiety prime: | i mean its only TECHNICALLY a compliment… :thinking:  
ten million fireflies: | Shhh let him believe  
ten million fireflies: | Tadashi do you have a word yet  
frenchiest fry: | uhhhh gimme a sec  
ten million fireflies: | Hold on then ive got one  
ten million fireflies: | Check your dms  
frenchiest fry: | JDFSLKBJFKLKNLFGMKNDBS TSUKKI  
mandarin: | wait  
mandarin: | waIT TADASHI NO  
mandarin: | DONT DO TI  
frenchiest fry: | [clears throat] [leans in so my lips are touching the mic]  
frenchiest fry: | short  
mandarin: | TDAASHI  
anxiety prime: | HZBBZXVNSZMNVXCBDF  
milk: | Lmao  
mandarin: | TADASHI I TRUSTED YOUO  
frenchiest fry: | your mistake genius  
eagle lord ୧(✧∇✧)૭: | jjfdksljfgn get him!!!! get his ass!!!!!!  
mandarin: | YOU TOO GOSHIKI?????  
frenchiest fry: | he really just came online just to egg us on and then went offline  
ten million fireflies: | Absolute icon  
mandarin: | ENOUGH WHOSE NEXT  
mandarin: | *whos  
anxiety prime: | *whos  
anxiety prime: | oh you got it never mind  
milk: | I’m next  
milk: | Hold on I don’t have something yet  
ten million fireflies: | I could give you a suggestion  
mandarin: | YOU WILL NOT DONT LISTEN TO HI MTOBIO  
milk: | Why would Il isten to him  
mandarin: | ur right nvm  
mandarin: | so do u have somethign yet orrrr  
milk: | Safety  
anxiety prime: | hol yshit  
ten million fireflies: | what the fuck  
frenchiest fry: | wHAT THE HELL  
anxiety prime: | TOBIO  
milk: | ????  
ten million fireflies: | Where did that even come from  
anxiety prime: | TOBIOOO OH MY GOODDDDDD  
milk: | WHAT  
frenchiest fry: | dude you fucking killed shouyou he went offline  
ten million fireflies: | Rip he died  
anxiety prime: | TOBIO WOW THAT WAS SO GOOD  
milk: | ????  
milk: | I don’t get it I’m going to bed  
ten million fireflies: | After that??? hell no  
mandarin: | NFOHO WAITTOBI OFSONT  
frenchiest fry: | ok i was joking but did you actually kill him  
ten million fireflies: | Thanks for your service tobio  
mandarin: | TSUJKI ILL GET U JUST WAIT  
mandarin: | JBUT TOBIOOOO THATS OS SAPPY  
mandarin: | YOURE MYBEST FRIEND DID YOU KNOW THAT  
milk: | What the fuck  
mandarin: | DONTCURSE  
mandarin: | ITS SOKAY YOURE SAFETY TO ME TOO  
anxiety prime: | shouyou are you crying  
mandarin: | MAAYBE  
anxiety prime: | me too  
milk: | Why are you crying  
milk: | Are you upset  
anxiety prime: | no what you said was just very unexpectedly sincere and heartfelt and were crying because it made us really happy to hear it  
milk: | Oh okay then  
milk: | I meant it  
mandarin: | I KNOW ITSJUST MEANS A LOT TO ME THANK YOU SO MUCH  
milk: | ??? You’re welcome  
milk: | Can I sleep now  
mandarin: | nNO we have to do a round for u too now  
mandarin: | ur not sleeping w/o being appreciated!!!!!  
milk: | Fine  
milk: | F  
frenchiest fry: | start  
frenchiest fry: | wait what  
milk: | I’m tired so I skipped the choosing  
frenchiest fry: | okay jdflkbjdfklbsmdlv  
anxiety prime: | forthright  
ten million fireflies: | Fierce as in passionate  
frenchiest fry: | first (does that make sense)  
milk: | ?  
frenchiest fry: | as in being first? like. being the kind of person to come in first place for things. like the best  
milk: | Oh right  
milk: | Shouyou?  
milk: | (Thanks by the way Tadashi)  
mandarin: | FAMILY  
milk: | Oh  
milk: | Thank you  
milk: | I’m going to bed now  
anxiety prime: | bxcmz too much?  
milk: | A little bit  
mandarin: | SORRY  
milk: | It’s okay  
milk: | Good too much, not bad too much  
milk: | Goodnight  
mandarin: | goodnight!!! sweet dreams  
frenchiest fry: | sleep tight!!  
ten million fireflies: | Go get slept bitch  
milk: |  @ten million fireflies Bitch  
anxiety prime: | znczxvsmzbnmbnxc  
anxiety prime: | goodnight tobio!!!  
  
_Sign out?_  
**> Yes** >No


	2. rule #3: no cursing allowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll turn your bones to sand!” Kageyama howls at Hinata suddenly, rage rolling off him in waves.
> 
>  _"But I need my bones!"_ Hinata yells, distressed.
> 
> _"Well you should have thought about that!"_
> 
> (third years <-> first years ageswap)

“I’m so, so sorry you have to see this,” Yachi says anxiously, wringing her hands and turning to the first years.

“No, uh… no worries,” Daichi says distractedly, watching as Kageyama and Hinata scream at each other in the middle of the court. “Are they always like this?”

“They get along better nowadays, but they have… fiery personalities, yes,” Yamaguchi grumbles from Yachi’s other side. “You should’ve seen them in first year. Total disaster.”

“...you look like you couldn’t use a washing machine! Idiot!” Hinata gasps at Kageyama’s words, looking like someone’s driven a knife through his heart.

“I’ll flip you like an omelet, you—you absolute _curtain_ ,” he shrieks, proceeding to leap directly onto Kageyama and wrap himself around the setter in a particularly ineffective stranglehold.

“What are they _saying_ ,” Sugawara whispers, halfway between delighted and confused.

“You’ve met Tanaka, right?” Yamaguchi asks. The first years nod. “Well, last year the vice principal walked in on us right as he screamed some rather… colorful curses. It got him suspended for a week, along with a warning for us. Ever since then, we’ve banned swearing in the gym. Hence, the—uh—” he gestures vaguely in the direction of Kageyama and Hinata, who are being plucked apart by an annoyed Tsukishima, even as they continue to yell at each other. “That.”

“I mean, this isn’t necessarily _better_ ,” Yachi sighs. “But it’s something.”

“I’ll turn your bones to sand!” Kageyama howls at Hinata suddenly, rage rolling off him in waves, and Azumane flinches.

“ _But I need my bones!_ ” Hinata yells, distressed.

“ _Well you should have thought about that!_ ” All of a sudden, Kageyama spins on his heels and turns his gaze on Yamaguchi. “Tadashi! Can I _please_ ignore rule 3?”

It’s like a switch is flipped. Yamaguchi goes from relaxed and amused to—Daichi can’t even describe it. He feels like he’s only just missing a bullet, like he’s a deer in headlights. He feels like he should stand perfectly straight and salute to the captain. It’s like the gym drops a few degrees in temperature as Yamaguchi smiles carefully, and Kageyama withers under his gaze.

“We have the rules for a reason, Tobio,” Yamaguchi enunciates carefully. “Do me a favour and remind me why we have that one?”

Kageyama is one of the most intimidating people Daichi’s met, but he shrinks like a newly washed sock. “Swearing in the gym gets us suspended from matches,” he mutters, glaring at the ground.

Yamaguchi grins a little wider. “Wow, thanks for the reminder! Go ahead and wrap up your little spat, will you?”

Kageyama nods jerkily, then turns back to Hinata, who’s thrown up his hands as though preparing for a fist-fight. He glowers down at Hinata for a few seconds, then points right at him and says, dead quiet, “I hope a demon breaks into your house at midnight and glues together all of your hairbrushes.”

Then he turns around and walks towards the second years, taking the net from them and helping them set up, even as Tsukishima howls with laughter behind him and Hinata wails in bewildered despair.


	3. the folly of man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is absolutely no way,” Kei’s voice says from somewhere behind the camera. “that I am letting you do this.”
> 
> “But we know how!” Shouyou whines. The camera zooms in on his pouty face.
> 
> “We practiced for hours,” Tobio adds.
> 
> “Plus you’ve got the extra space on your camera,” Hitoka chimes in. “Please, Kei-chan?”
> 
> “Yeah, Kei-chan,” Tobio says. The camera pans to him, and he’s smirking. “What could go wrong?”
> 
> (the boys decide to have some fun)

1.

“There is absolutely _no way,”_ Kei’s voice says from somewhere behind the camera. “that I am letting you do this.”

“But we know how!” Shouyou whines. The camera zooms in on his pouty face.

“We practiced for hours,” Tobio adds.

“Plus you’ve got the extra space on your camera,” Hitoka chimes in. _“Please,_ Kei-chan?”

“Yeah, Kei-chan,” Tobio says. The camera pans to him, and he’s smirking. “What could go wrong?”

“Don’t call me that,” Kei snaps, but there’s a hint of a smile in his voice. “And _everything_ could go wrong, for your information.”

Shouyou’s laughing as Kei’s distinctly pale hands come in front of the camera. “When have we ever—”

The video ends.

 

2.

The camera is significantly shakier than before. “Okay, camera’s rolling,” Kei says off-screen. “Go on, idiot twins.”

Shouyou and Tobio are standing in the middle of the court, a ball cart near them. Shouyou gives the camera a peace sign. Just off to the side of the camera, a hand waves back, and holds three fingers up to the boys.

“Alright, guys!” Hitoka, the owner of the arm, says. “On three, okay? One, two—”

Her fingers lower with each count, and on three, Tobio and Shouyou dab in eerie synchronicity. Then they both lower themselves into a crouch, arms stretching behind them—

“Oh _shit,”_ Hitoka says, right as Shouyou and Tobio jump into backflips. Terror flashes across Tobio’s face while Shouyou’s remains blissfully unaware, and the camera pans rapidly over to the door of the gym, where Tadashi is standing, abject disbelief painted on every inch of his frame. His eyes travel from the boys on the court over to the camera, and his eyes widen impossibly further. The camera shakes with Kei’s helpless laughter, and as it zooms into Tadashi’s despairing, resigned face, the background is filled with screams, crashes, and the thump of too many volleyballs hitting the ground at once.

 

3.

“Okay, boys,” Tadashi says, standing in a hospital waiting room with his arms crossed. “What have we learned?”

“Tobio’s really bad at jumping,” Shouyou says, completely straight-faced. The camera shifts just in time to watch him expertly dodge when Tobio lunges at him. The cast on his forearm doesn't seem to hinder him at all.

Tadashi breathes deeply, and the camera turns back to him. “No,” he says calmly, and turns to Tobio. “Tobio? What have we learned?”

“Don’t do stupid shit in the gym,” Tobio says. The camera slowly pans over and zooms in on his face, where a splint is positioned over his nose.

“No!” Tadashi is starting to sound exasperated. “What we have _learned —_Tsukki, stop messing with that camera—” The camera moves back to his face, and Kei can be heard snickering softly. _“Tsukki!_ Ugh. Anyway, what we’ve _learned_ is that when you’re about to do _stupid stuff,_ you _let me know beforehand_ so that no one panics when they see me. Okay?”

“Okay,” Tobio and Shouyou chorus in bored unison. Kei’s snickering grows louder, and Tadashi turns to face him with the wrath of a god on his face.

“Don’t you laugh, Tsukki,” he says viciously, and Kei starts to full-on laugh. Tadashi’s lips twitch, but he keeps a straight face. “You’re complicit in this too!” Shouyou’s whispering in the background, asking what complicit means. “There is _no_ way these two went ahead with their… thing, without getting permission from you. Plus you were recording. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I wasn’t—ahah—aware I was allowed to say anything,” Kei gasps, the camera trembling with his laughter. Hitoka leans into frame, and the view shakes as the camera changes hands. It resettles and refocuses on Kei’s face as he bites his lips to hold back a snort.

“Well, _that’s_ new,” Tadashi says, sarcasm heavy in his voice. “You’ve _never_ had a problem speaking up for yourself before. Remember when your brother took the last—”

“Oh, we’re airing the dirty laundry out now, are we?” Kei looks _delighted —_or, well, gleeful. There’s too much schadenfreude in there for pure happiness. “Hey, Hitoka, listen to this, one time when we were ten Tadashi took his—”

 _“No —”_ The camera swings violently around, and Tadashi’s arm is a blur as he lunges for the camera. “Hitoka, turn it _off —”_

_“Don’t you touch my camera —”_

 

4.

“Okay,” Hitoka says from behind the camera, voice sharp. “Boys, what have we _learned.”_

The camera blurs and focuses on four boys lined up in a row on the gym stairs. Tadashi and Kei have sheepish looks and gauze on their faces, while Tobio looks bored and Shouyou seems to have fallen asleep sitting up.

“No fighting?” Tadashi offers up. Kei snickers, but glances up at the camera and immediately quails at whatever look he receives from Hitoka.

“No!” Hitoka hisses. “Oh my god, this is exactly—I swear the four of you are going to be the death of me. Get up to all the antics you want, just stop getting _hurt_ over it!”

“Get up, huh?” Tobio echoes, raising an eyebrow. As one, all of them look towards Shouyou. His head droops forward, and he snores softly. Tobio elbows him and he snaps awake with a jerk.

“Huh—! What! Who’s, who’s there,” he babbles, jumping to his feet with fists up and ready. There is a long pause as he blinks rapidly, eyes finding first the camera and then the other boys sitting beside him.

“What?” he asks, confused. There’s silence for a half-second. Then the camera falls to the ground, its frame blurring as four laughs ring overhead, punctuated by Shouyou’s desperate questions.

_Click._


End file.
